Fall. It means end of summer, the start of the colder season. Usually, if you’d ask me what my favorite season is, I’d reply with “summer” but for some reason this year felt off. I don’t know what it was exactly, I can’t pinpoint it. Maybe it’s because it was our first summer away from Europe? The FOMO of my home country having glorious weather for months, while here it only got warm so late and when summer finally arrived it was either very hot or rain was pouring down. I know “complaining about the weather” gets annoying but hear me out.

“This summer I felt off.”

In the last stretch of summer, early September, fashion month commenced. I was off to Europe for a quick visit because my sister was getting married, before flying back to New York for fashion week. And for those of you who didn’t know it yet: I have a love/hate relationship with fashion week. I mean, I love attending the shows, seeing the collections for the first time, supporting the designers I love to work with and seeing all of my friends. But there’s also the pressure, I know first world problems and all of that, but the pressure to perform. Look your best. Be busy. Get the right shows. Get the right jobs. It’s more competitive than some might want to admit and I don’t like to participate in the negativity, although you kind of automatically get dragged into it. So I had the strong urge to get out.

Out of the city, off of Instagram, just a little change. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the shows so much, I always feel very grateful being able to do those things, but at the same time it got me thinking about what it is I’m doing exactly, do I want to be part of this? And what about the future? Do I want to keep doing what I’m doing? Do I want to do something else? Do I want to do both? And if so, how? And when? I felt uninspired, a bit drained, and it wasn’t just fashion week – it was a feeling that has beg brands and en building up al summer. So no. I didn’t have the best summer I’ve ever had. I don’t want to play the “always living my best life” game. And yes, I’m lucky to being able to do what I do and where I do it. Lucky to travel, work with amazing brands and having met so many great friends. It’s something I never thought I would be doing, but sometimes I just need to rediscover the why. And the how. Because the industry is ever changing, it’s a fast paced world and it’s really hard to always keep up. And we don’t walk about these things most of the time, I know I don’t I want to keep everything positive because there’s so much drama out there already. So many people living very tough lives, I don’t want to say my life is hard at all, but everyone has there own issues and instead of ignoring it, because so many people are worse off, you can also address it and open yourself up. To vulnerability, to critics, but also yourself. Because in the end usually it’s you who is your own worst enemy. My dad once told me there’s only one person responsible for how you feel and deal with things and that’s you. That also means you can change that, if you want to. Because you do have control over yourself, not over what others do and think. 

So I’ve been thinking so much about what works for me, makes me happy. And actually it’s not that hard. Because I know what makes me the best version of myself: switching off. Spending time with family and friends. Traveling, putting my mind on something else for a change. Not being on Instagram or email for a few days, being me in real life instead of always thinking of the virtual one. Yes, I’m myself on all platforms I use, but it’s mostly one side of me. I like to share more but find it difficult to balance that’s what private and that what’s work related.

It’s ever evolving, just like the industry I’m working in. It’s prioritizing for the most part, it’s taking weekends off and dedicating time to call my friends and family back home. So I’m flying back home in 1,5 week to spend some time with them and I couldn’t be more excited. I miss them! Although I have seen them end of August, it feels like it’s been too long. That’s one of the downsides of spending so much time abroad, you miss key moments in lives of those important to you. So I try to catch up whenever I can, be the most uncensored version of me. Not always sharing loads of that on the gram, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. The best moments in life are those enjoyed without a phone or camera in your hands if you’d ask me. Although I kind of like capturing awesome times too, looking back at these pics we took in Paris – I’m so happy that I have a job that takes me back to great memories through photos we took. 

ATP bag, Elizabeth & James knit, Each x Other jeans, ATP shoes.

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